No, I’m not still in a holiday mood. Then, again, maybe I am. No, I’ll take that back. I am. I always am. But, especially this cold, 35 degree morning. Curiously, my “resilient word for today” is SEE. Curious, because this morning in the cold, crystal pre-dawn I could see crystal clear in the dark because of a crystal diamond I received from a dear friend at the Lilly-South conference on teaching and that now holds an honored place above the computer. The warmth inside me, fueled by three days of schmoozing with colleagues who are my dear friends, the warm hugs and kisses that greeted me when I arrived at the conference, as well as the warm hugs and kisses at the end of the conference, are my best cold weather gear.

Maybe this is why on this particular dark morning I see so much light. You know, the dawn has secrets to tell us about ourselves. Seeing, rather than merely looking at, something so grand as a cloud, a star, the moon, the rising sun, a tree, a bush, something not made with human hands, it is hard not to get enveloped with an insight, a wisdom, a patience, a peacefulness, a humility, and, maybe above all, a gratitude. To be sure, these are the times that are trying our souls. At the conference, these times were weighing on the sub-text of everyone’s souls. I can understand that. Between being furloughed and the rising cost of my medical insurance through the university system, my take home pay has taken a heavy hit, a very heavy hit. So, as I told many people this past weekend at the conference, is that all there is to who we are and what we do? Is it merely salary, tenure, resume that get me up each day, that get me going, that keep me going, that impact on how I feel and what I think, and what I do? Is it merely this that lets me sleep comfortably at night? Is it merely this that is the gauge of my worth? Am I to resent, worry, grumble, complain, and sulk that someone in high places doesn’t appreciate education or me as an educator? Am I to go to my closet to put on my hair coat or sackcloth? Am I to go to my fireplace and put ashes on my head? Am I to curse someone out? Am I to flay myself? Am I to let the situation sap my strength and slow my gait? What good would all that do? A heavy heart isn’t exactly uplifting. An empty spirit isn’t fulfilling. Self-pity is never a strengthening agent. I’m positive that you can’t build much worthwhile with worthless negatives. Sure there are problems, challenges, difficulties. But, at times like these we should not underestimate the driving power of commitment to something greater and higher and beyond us. That empowering purpose makes us more persistent than the persistent problems around us; it is a vision that helps us look past blinding confrontations; it is a significance that strengthens us so we can overwhelm overwhelming difficulties.

When we feel down and things around are chilly and dark, we just have to look up at the stars and treasure the things we treasure. Things can be very beautiful and things can be very ugly. I guess having survived a cerebral hemorrahage I shouldn’t have survived I’ve learned I cannot wait for anyone or anything to offer me encouragement and support. That’s my job. I have to keep playing each day what I call “the keep game.” I have to keep stoking the fires of my inner core. I have to keep going, keep learning, keep working, keep changing, keep growing, keep persisting, keep improving, keep believing, keep hoping, keep loving, keep adding one day on top of another. I have to keep seeing that each day is a blessing rather than a burden. I have to keep knowing that each day is as an opportunity for me to make a difference. I have to keep believing that each day is there for me to bring the unique value that is me and to bring out the unique value that is in each student. And. I have to keep walking each day on the road to some possibility. All–and it’s a big “all”–I have to do is to keep reaching deep inside and find the goodness that is always there, to keep feeling the positive purpose that nothing can take away from me, to keep feeling worthy and relevant, effective and capable, and keep helping each student help her/himself become a better person knowing, feeling, that all the difficulties don’t begin to add up to the beauty and joy.

So, I appreciate the beauty, so much that I won’t let the ugly either slow me down or bring me down. There are so very many good things in my life right now. I got, I always will have, plenty of great reasons to be exceedingly thankful. I am alive; I am not on the unemployment line; our house isn’t being repossessed; we are not out on the streets; we have heat for our home; we have medical insurance; we have clothes on our backs; we have food on the table; we have a family of two sons, their wives, and three grandmunchkins; and, above all, I go to sleep each night and wake up each morning seeing my beautiful and angelic Susan lying there next to me.

Am I being Hallmarkish? I don’t think so. I’m being very practical. Feeling how bad things are is depressing, inhibiting, and enslaving; feeling how good thing are is uplifting, energizing, and empowering. It’s gratitude, not ingratitude, that lights up the room. It’s thankfulness, not thanklessness, that warms the room. It’s a loving and filled heart, not a loveless and empty heart that makes the world a better place, at least my world. Is purpose, not purposelessness, that gives me reason to eagerly look forward to this day.

Louis