Well, Susan and I have just finished up packing clothes and Chanukah gifts and are flying off early tomorrow morning on a thirteen day mission of spoiling rotten our two west coast grandchildren. This is a year I have a very special three cheers for cheering this cheerful holiday season. There was a split second back on that early morning of September 14th that I thought I would never again see Susan, my sons, their wives, my grandchildren, and my dear friends. The best gift my two sons could have given me was dropping everything and being at my bedside for the entire week I was in ICU and taking care of their distraught mother. There was nothing greater than those gifts of just being there that were given by close friends who without question unhesitating rushed to the hospital in Valdosta, drove Susan down to the hospital in Gainesville, brought her car down to her, got her housing, looked after the house, made daily concerned “how are things going” calls, dropped in for a quick “we’re here if you need us” hello, and then looked after us when we got home. What better gifts could my colleagues offer than picking up extra teaching loads to cover the classes, or could administrators give by smoothing the paper process for Susan of getting emergency medical leave time for me? Could students find nicer gifts than cooking and shopping for Susan, offering to clean house, and just constantly checking up on us? None. Many of you do not know much I have appreciated your gifts of prayers, good wishes, and kind thoughts over these past three months of my recovery. They went beyond expectation and requirement, beyond professional courtesy, beyond social grace, and tapped into that part of the human experience in a way that continually reminds me of our softer side, even to the point of swelling up my eyes with tears, deepening my breaths, and tightening my chest. They all were gifts that sure beat anything that could have been bought in any store.
Talking of gifts, do you want to give one that lasts, that keeps on giving? Give something that conjures up the good feelings, happy sounds, smiles, kindness, and warmth such as I have. No more than tests and grades and lectures in a classroom, gift certificates and slippers and ties and toys and all that material stuff that is given and received are not the stuff of lasting memories. Long after I’ve forgotten the particular words of love, support, and encouragement, I will remember the feelings that warmed and still warm my insides.
That is what this Thanksgiving to New Years season is all truly about; it’s a heralding of gratitude for everything and for seeing in everything something for which to be deeply grateful. It’s about–if you see and listen closely to all of its songs and decorations and lights and window dressings and Santas and Rudolphs and gifts and feasts and prayers and television specials and Christmasy movies and concerts and the Nutcracker and Christmas Carol and White Christmas and It’s a Wonderful Life and religious rituals and ceremonies–as Bing Crosby sang, counting your blessings instead of sheep for every minute of every day in everything. I assure you, when you learn to be grateful, to live that gratitude each time you draw a breath, that “thank you” is a password to a lifting of onuses, a liberating life, a calmness to life, a meaning for life, an awakening to life, and a subtle happiness and a quiet joy.
You know, I hear a lot of “bah humbugs” from a lot of toxic cynics and academic Scrooges. The nicer ones commend me for my good intentions, but they all echo what one professor recently asked me: “Why are you wasting your time? Do you really think your touchy-feely e-ramblings make any difference? You’re so impractical.” Then, I received a nourishing message like the one I got from Gary Schilmoeller who said, “I want to thank you, too, for being a great mentor for so many of us teachers.” Or, I got an inspiring message from a student that said, “I’m thinking of you at this time of the year. In fact, I’ve been thinking a lot about you since you went down. I miss you. Please get better and come back. We all need you.”
I replied to Gary, “What a gift you have given me: to realize that my vision, dedication, commitment, faith, hope, belief, love, courage, compassion, and creativity can set into motion a ripple effect of actions and attitudes to make a better world. Thank you.”
I wrote him those lines and share them with you not to congratulate myself for inadvertently helping Gary make a difference in his own life–and ultimately those of his students–but to thank him for making a difference in mine. I think it was William Arthur Ward who said something to the effect that mediocre teachers tell, good teachers explain, superior teachers demonstrate, great teachers inspire. I humbly aspire to inspire. I do it often with stories that I hope help all of us to love, believe, hope, empathize, encourage, have courage, appreciate, and remind us of things we know but don’t think about all that often.
Gratitude is one of those things we don’t often dwell on. It is usually not a spontaneous emotion; it doesn’t always come naturally; often it’s a matter of deliberate choice of word, thought, or deed. Sometimes too many feel a hesitating embarrassment about saying “thank you.” But, it’s an outlook; it’s a way of life; it’s a rejoicing of everyone and every thing you encounter; it’s a realization that everyone and everything is a teacher; it relishes, sharpens, attunes; it counter-weighs indifference, unawareness, cynicism. It’s an elixir that keeps you young, spry, and spicy in spirit. It transforms a blasé “oh hum” or cynical “bah, humbug” or deadening “so what” into an enlivening, excited, and majestic “ah-ha.”
Gratitude is a conscious and expressed appreciation that doesn’t necessarily make life easier, but it sure does make it better, more meaningful, and certainly more purposeful. After all, a “thank you” turns what we have done into a need to do more. And so, I should have told Gary, that student, and many of you out there as well that his gift is the kind of gift that keeps on giving by going deep within and constantly stirring things up while they settle things down. It says and will continue to say, “Keep it up. Stay the course. You are not wasting your time. You are making a difference.” It says, “Remember, if you touch one person, you’ve changed the world and altered the future.” .
Through the soft lens of good feelings, Gary’s words, as well as those of countless others, will continue to be heart warming and to conjure up good feelings of fulfillment and accomplishment. In a world preoccupied with the giving and receiving of material gifts, it’s easy to overlook that the most lasting and most valuable gift anyone can give is the feelings she or he creates in others. Never underestimate the impact you can have when you take the time to make someone feel noticed, valued, and valuable, especially by cheering them up. It’s is a powerful force. Constant unconditional love can melt the hardest of rocks. It certainly can make people feel better. If you want to make a difference in the lives of others, if you want to give the most meaningful gift, sincerely express gratitude whenever you can. No act of appreciation is ever wasted. You never get poorer by giving away sincere compliments; you only get richer. The way we behave toward others is an expression of our values and character. And, if you don’t express your gratitude, all you’ve done is to wrap a gift for a person and uselessly store it away on a closet shelf.
So, here is my gift of gratitude to so many of you: a cheerful, and heartfelt “thank you” for making it all worthwhile. I am alive; I am happier than I’ve ever been; and, I can share it all with all of you.
Susan and I want to wish you and all those you love a very happy and merry holiday season. And, may 2008 be a year long “ho, ho, ho” jolly and sweet season of joy, delight, cheer, and good fortune. May you live in gratitude for each moment you have. May each day be a “Tis the season” holiday, a “holy” and sacred time. And, may this coming year bring only lasting good and uplifting memories for yourself and those you care about.
Til next year. Meanwhile…….
Louis