On This Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentines Day.

Valentine’s Day for me is no big deal. My angelic and beloved Susan and I have what I call an “E-marriage.” It rests on our “E-love.” How’s that for up-to-date marital tags. No, we do not have an Electronic-love and marriage. And, I don’t mean that for these past thirty-four years we’ve had an Easy-love and marriage. I mean we have an Everyday-love and marriage, an Effort love and marriage, and an Enduring love and marriage.

What makes a great marriage. True love many will say. What is true love. Darn if I know, but I know it when I see it. I do know that a good marriage is a merger not only of two people, but of love and work. It’s not enough to say I love you. You have to work at loving you and being lovable.

Oh, sure we had that one fairy tale incredible moment when we both knew, when I got so knocked off my feet that I still haven’t been able to get up. It occurred one late November evening in 1966, only seven weeks after we met on a mutually reluctant blind date, on the campus of Duke University when my “friends” kidnapped her and left fearful me calling out the police to help in my frantic search. But, we had to work for that ONE moment to grow into a few, and then into several, and then into many, and then into always; we had to work for that moment to grow into an hour, into a day, into a week, into a month, into a year, into thirty-four years.

We worked to make sure that each day was a beginning and part of a continuation, that each day we fell in love as if we were long lost lovers, that each day was like a flirting date, that each day was like a slow dance by candlelight, that each day was like an adventure. No great speeches of commitment. No grand gestures of devotion. No proclamations of devotion. Just little and mostly unspoken little things a smile here, a glassy gaze there, a slight caress everywhere. The small everyday romantic whispers, small everyday enchanting touches, everyday playful acts, everyday tender surprises, everyday quiet cuddles, everyday nibbles and pecks, everyday tease, everyday giddy and zany gestures are great events for heightening and perpetuating the passion, adoration, spontaneity, romance, excitement, respect, and trust–and have gotten us through the wet sand of challenges and crises, the betters and worses, sicknesses and healths, the sorrows and joys. We listen more than we talk; we talk more with our eyes than with our mouths. All of this has allowed us to venture together, explore together, discover together, grow together, change together.

We don’t have a 50-50 marriage; we don’t fit lock and key. We are opposites that attracted. The asymetry, however, does keep things interesting. No boredom or dullsville. Lots of bantering. No taking-for-granted. Lots of connection and involvement. No routine. And, believe me, we’re not perfect. It’s too much to ask of each other to be the perfect mate. I won’t speak for me, but I can tell you that Susan is okay. She pretty good. She darn good. She’s a keeper.

What does this have to do with teaching? Everything. After all teaching is a love affair; it is involvement and connection with people. And, you have to work daily and constantly and hard if you want good teaching no less and in the same manner as seeking a good marriage.

I think everyone has compassion, faith, courage, strength, hope, patience, sympathy, empathy, caring, compassion, love, belief. It’s the successful teachers, like the successful lovers, who learn to use them.

The real, enduring, and lasting “E” in e-education, like a firm e-marriage, is not the technology of electronic education as so many are touting. It sure shouldn’t isn’t easy or effortless education. It’s the successful teachers who, like the successful lovers, practice the real “e” of their craft: effort-education, exciting-education, exploring-education, enthusiastic-education, everyone-education, energetic-education, encouraging-education, empathetic-education, and emotional-education. And, above all, everyone-education. When they do, e-education, like an e-love and an e-marriage, means lasts and endures, lasts and endures, lasts and endures.

Make it a good day.

–Louis–

Rush To Judgement

I was sitting here calmly reading some messages, quietly sipping a cup of freshly brewed coffee, relishing UNC’s No.1 ranking and victory over Wake Forest, when suddenly out from the monitor came a sudden searing flame. The force of this vicious blast lifted my eye lids, threw my head back, and pinned me to my seat. This verbal torch singed my eyebrows and reddened my skin.

Without going into pointless detail, I’ll just ask what is it about too many academics who have to denigrate students merely because they know less information; what is it about too many academics who have use students as a whipping post for their displeasure of being in the classroom; what is it about too many academics who abuse their authority and get more than a touch of pleasure at watching students squirm; what is it about too many academics who are indifferent to students. What is it?

Why are there academics so ready to rush to judgement? Most of us really don’t even know each student and yet we’re already making snap judgements and taking cheap shots on the most superficial information. Why are so many of us so inclined to pre-judge?

So many of us find it so easy to play the blame game. In one way or another, we defend who we are, what we believe, how we do things by highlighting the very imperfections of others we are supposed to be struggling correct. I think being judgemental is a visible expression of our unawareness of and disconnection with students; it’s a reflection of fear and insecurity which have a way of seeping into our spirit, thoughts, and actions. We don’t want to recognize that far too often the problem is not the students. The problem is our attitude towards students. I find that it’s not the students who are flawed, but our flawed methods aren’t designed to cure their “chronic success deprivation.” The real flaw is in our academic institutions and we academics who won’t find ways to tune into the students’ “broad brain width.”

So, am I sighfully supposed to pre-judge most students as “can’ts,” “won’ts,” and “don’t belongs?” If I listen to this professorial Aesop fox, sourly labeling students as “incompetents” chained down by impervious chromium steel links of “inability” and “incapacity” who should be “summarily kicked out,” I know I will find a validation to dismiss, turn away and stay away; I will find a good reason to dismiss a student as easily as rejecting a blemished apple from an open cart. No, the searing power of being judgemental dries up the sweet nurturing waters of kindness leaving a parched, barren and uninviting desert of callousness.

I think there is a vanity–and a danger–wishful “if only” ideal. Failing to come across the “ideal student” we despair, become jaded, become alienated. We’d put anger, blame, hostility to replace passive resignation. We’d even try to numb ourselves from classroom experiences by medicating ourselves with high doses of scholarship.

This I know: when I no longer am in awe of the human capacity, when I no longer believe that there are potential thinkers and creators and doers in each student in that class, my teaching stops.

Now you might believe if we weren’t judgemental we would not be able to distinguish between honors, average, and poor students; we would be indecisive and unselective; we would be dumbing down and diluting; we would be void of standards.

When we are free of expectations, we are free to be receptive. When we no longer fear that students conflict with our professional and scholarly interests and our actions, when we no longer prejudge, we are open. When we stop clinging so tight to our troubles that our knuckles whitened, we are free to move on and about.

Think about it. What if we didn’t pre-judge. We might not lament “ah, me” or malign any day. We might lead ourselves to be understanding. We might discover the truth of the moment. We might connect directly with innocence, freshness, immediacy, and vitality. We might connect with a person. We might discover tolerance, exercise compassion and forgiveness. We might be flexible and adaptable. We might see with eyes of awareness and with eyes of newness. We might listen closely and see keenly. We might walk slowly among “the crowd,” and realize how large are all the little live things.

We should talk about what each student can do rather talk about what’s wrong with students. I think we should think of students first instead of our subject, research, publication, or ourselves. Students aren’t really intellectual wimps. They are are are creative, intelligent, imaginative.

So often we let ourselves get boxed in a box. Too seldom do we teach outside the lines using creative alternatives to conventional methods and employing imaginative tactics. The first day and every day that follows is a blind start when you reach out and hold onto whatever you get. When you reach out and touch, when you teach hard with a light touch and soft eyes, and a tender heart, it begins.

One last word to my detractor, each student is too valuable of a human being to leave behind, leave out, kick out. Almost every student isn’t slack, just bruised or hurt or ashamed or angry or self-depreciating. With every “doesn’t belong” student welcomed and embraced in the classroom, our society grows stronger. This is not a sentence to be read, but a mission to be lived every day.

Make it a good day.

–Louis–